


Heather #1 Has Left the Chat

by EugeniaPaege



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: DukeSaw - Freeform, F/F, Useless Lesbians, chandlamara - Freeform, chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 12:16:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21301928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EugeniaPaege/pseuds/EugeniaPaege
Summary: The Heathers just having a group chat or whatever.
Relationships: Heather Chandler/Heather McNamara, Heather Duke/Veronica Sawyer
Comments: 6
Kudos: 117





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm unoriginal so this uses the screen names of a different chat fic I've had sitting in my docs all summer. 
> 
> screen names:  
veronica: vsauce  
duke: moby dickweed  
chandler: heather #1  
mcnamara: ay macarena  
betty: orange trees  
jd: bomb moment  
kurt: quarterback at it again  
ram: bam tbh

_No Heatherosexuals Allowed_

vsauce: yoooooooo my homies   
vsauce: or homos   
vsauce: both work

moby dickweed: BABE I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD LIKE TO MARRY YOU 80 TIMES IN A ROW   
moby dickweed: BABE   
moby dickweed: BABE ILYSM 

vsauce: BABY ILY I DIDNT EXPECT TO BE HIT WITH ALL THIS LOVE WHEN I WOKE UP   
vsauce: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL 

heather #1: Heather, I don't think you can marry somebody 80 times in a row. 

vsauce: excuse me heather but my heather is trying to love me?????   
vsauce: let her 

heather #1: Agh, you guys are really gay. 

ay macarena: heather   
ay macarena: we're dating   
ay macarena: and v is bi 

heather #1: Let me live. 

vsauce: wow   
vsauce: heather what a nice top where did you get her? 

heather #1: Shut the fuck up, Veronica. 

vsauce: haha bottom 

heather #1: I'm a switch, idiot. 

vsauce: b o t t o m 

moby dickweed: i left to go get a drink and suddenly heather is being attacked for being a bottom   
moby dickweed: haha this is amazing and glorious 

heather #1: Shut the fuck up, pillowcase. 

moby dickweed: bitch 

heather #1: Blocked. 

moby dickweed: wait unblock me i have something to say 

heather #1: Unblocked. 

moby dickweed: bitch 

vsauce: babe ignore her 

ay macarena: wow 

moby dickweed: is that all you have to say heather 

ay macarena: pretty much luhmow


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow! an update!

vsauce: hey @moby dickweed  
vsauce: im having dinner with your parents, would you care to join us?  
vsauce: [iminyourhouse.png]

moby dickweed: WHAT THE FUCK HELL

heather #1: Veronica, that's called breaking and entering.

vsauce: THEY LET ME IN BITCH

ay macarena: did heather's parents lit rally let you into their house to have dinner with them without heather  
ay macarena: a+ parenting

moby dickweed: IM AT FUCKING REHEARSAL

ay macarena: my biggest question is why veronica has her fingers in the shape of a v under her mouth and she isn't gettin beat by heather's parents

vsauce: because heather's parents respect me  
vsauce: care to join us, heather?

moby dickweed: IM AT R E H E A R S A L

ay macarena: what musical are they putting on again????

moby dickweed: anne of green gables

ay macarena: and you got cast as????

moby dickweed: diana? lmao

vsauce: the food's getting cold heather

moby dickweed: IM COMING HOME RN

heather #1: Did rehearsals finally end?

moby dickweed: shut your fuckhole up  
moby dickweed: my first love was and always will be MUSICAL THEATRE

vsauce: COME HOME THIS FOOD IS BOMB AS FUCK  
vsauce: IMA EAT HERE EVERY NIGHT FUCK MY PARENTS BITCH

heather #1: Yeah, you eat there every night already 😏.

ay macarena: wait a damn minute

moby dickweed: GROSS HEATHER

vsauce: WHAT THE FUCK  
vsauce: HEATHER YOU NEED JESUS

heather #1: I don't need Jesus. He needs me.

moby dickweed: jesus' whole story is fucked  
moby dickweed: it dont make no cents luv 👀

vsauce: stfu atheist

moby dickweed: im offended

vsauce: SILENCE  
vsauce: B O T T O M

ay macarena: WHY


	3. Chapter 3

heather #1: Is that Jesse James guy gay?

vsauce: ?

heather #1: I caught him dancing to Fergalicious in the janitor's closet.

vsauce: ?? hes not gay?

heather #1: How would you know?

vsauce: ummmmmm i used to DATE HIM??????

heather #1: He's gay. End of discussion.  
heather #1: Dancing to Fergalicious automatically makes you gay.

moby dickweed: what if you're a girl and you're dancing to black sheep by metric but specifically the brie larson version??? @heather #1

heather #1: That makes you a lesbian with a crush on Envy Adams, Brie Larson, or both.

moby dickweed: CAUGHT GREEN HANDED

ay macarena: you have a crush on envy adams????????????????

moby dickweed: when did i not have a crush on envy adams???   
moby dickweed: were you not there that day i blasted the brie larson version of black sheep in the cafeteria and went into gay panic???????

ay macarena: no??????? i dont????? remember that?????

heather #1: Damn.

vsauce: how do you make holy water  
vsauce: YOU BOIL THE HELL OUT OF IT

moby dickweed: KFFFFFF

ay macarena: did you hear about the cannibal who was late for dinner  
ay macarena: HE GOT THE COLD SHOULDER

moby dickweed: @vsauce  
moby dickweed: i seem to have lost my last name  
moby dickweed: can i borrow yours?

vsauce: SHIT

heather #1: God, no.

moby dickweed: fuck you bitch

heather #1: Access denied.

moby dickweed: that's not what i meant and you know it motherfucker

heather #1: Oh? Is it not?

vsauce: @ay macarena  
vsauce: i dont have uno so fuck off

ay macarena: everyone has uno dipshit it came free with your fucking xbox

vsauce: i didnt get it i have the oldest xbox known to man

ay macarena: NO YOU DONT  
ay macarena: NO I GOT MINE ON DAY ONE YOU FUCKING T

moby dickweed: woah there heather

vsauce: well mine didnt have it

ay macarena: YOU HAVE UNOOOOO!!!!!!!!  
ay macarena: YOU FUCKING DICK

vsauce: I DONT HAVE IT YOU FUCKING 

heather #1: Do not dare insult my girlfriend, Sawyer.

ay macarena: YOU HAVE UNOOOOOOOOOOO

vsauce: I DONT FUCKING HAVE UNO MOTHERFUCKER

ay macarena: GO TO IT IN THE ARCADE AND YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DOWNLOAD IT FOR FREE YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER IT'S A FUCKING CARD GAME THEY DON'T EVEN CHARGE PEOPLE FOR IT

moby dickweed: what did i just watch happen


	4. Chapter 4

ay macarena: are u supposed to make an accusation every time you enter a room in clue

v sauce: ???yeah  
v sauce: that's how you play clue

moby dickweed: honestly fuck yall  
moby dickweed: mobile clue can smd  
moby dickweed: and yall can shut yo asses up

v sauce: if we are being completely fuckin honest rn,  
v sauce: miss scarlet is hot

ay macarena: thats what you think about when you fucking play fucking clue??????

v sauce: what else am i supposed to think about???? the murder?????

moby dickweed: WTF RONNIE

heather #1: People shame about playing mobile Clue on easy mode, but honestly, I just have a thing for winning.

ay macarena: first of all bitch, you always lose at clue  
ay macarena: second of all bitch, if you have to play on easy mode to win then you should be shamed

v sauce: are we arguing about clue

moby dickweed: yes

heather #1: What else is there to argue about? Politics?

moby dickweed: politics? not my thing

v sauce: what even is mobile clue

ay macarena: it's a clue app it cost like 4 dollars in the app store

v sauce: clue APP????

moby dickweed: are you meaning to fuckin tell me  
moby dickweed: veronica sawyer thinks miss scarlet is hot  
moby dickweed: believes that enough to text us that she thinks so  
moby dickweed: and has never heard of mobile clue

v sauce: FUCKIN  
v sauce: M O B I L E C L U E ?

ay macarena: yall all have mobile clue rite

heather #1: Yes, except for Veronica.

ay macarena: yo we gotta play 😳

moby dickweed: i main as colenel mustard

v sauce: heather why do YOU main as colonel mustard

moby dickweed: colonel mustard is a fucking god on god

ay macarena: honestly fuck yall


	5. Chapter 5

vsauce: i dimmadont give a dimmadamn what you have to say, if i have to dimmadrag you to the dimmsdale dimmadome i will dimmado it

moby dickweed: is jason dimmadean influencing you

vsauce: dimmadont even heather dimmaduke

heather #1: Staring intently at the "remove user from chat" option right now.

vsauce: dimmadont even think about it

ay macarena: i'd kick her  
ay macarena: perhaps ban her for a week? 

vsauce: HEATHER HELP ME BEFORE I GET DIMMADELETED

moby dickweed: this is quite entertaining

vsauce: I DIMMADARE YOU TO LEND ME A HELPING HAND  
vsauce: DIMMADO YOU EVEN GIVE A DIMMADAMN ABOUT ME

moby dickweed: oi  
moby didkweed: fuck off

vsauce: bABEY B L E A S E

ay macarena: go on heather. help her

moby dickweed: no

heather #1: Yeah, Heather. Help her.

moby dickweed: no

ay macarena: i'll be dimmadamned!

moby dickweed: stfu  
moby dickweed: fine  
moby dickweed: dimmadaddy?

vsauce: B A B E Y

moby dickweed: if you ban my gf, i will dimmadeck you

heather #1: Challenge accepted.

ay macarena: cHALLENGE????????

vsauce: hahahahhshdhdhsishevwowoapenslpekejslals  
vsauce: this is a dimmadisaster


End file.
